How Therapy Helps Perfectionists Stop Moving the Goalposts

Do you ever reach a goal and immediately start thinking about what you need to accomplish next?

For perfectionists, success can feel temporary. You finish the project, get the promotion, earn the grade, or reach the goal, but instead of feeling proud, your mind quickly moves the goalposts.

Perfectionism doesn't only live in your thoughts. You may feel it in your body, too. 

When you're constantly trying to get things right, avoid mistakes, meet expectations, or prove that you're doing enough, your body may begin carrying some of that pressure. Do you notice how your body feels?

Why is it so hard to relax when you finally have nothing to do? For perfectionists, rest can feel uncomfortable. You may sit down and immediately think about everything you should be doing. Instead of feeling refreshed, you feel guilty for taking a break.

Sometimes your body notices stress before your mind catches up. You feel tense in your shoulders, get frequent headaches, and feel restless all the time. But you think, why?

You might tell yourself, "I'm fine. I just have a lot going on." Meanwhile, your body may be telling a different story. When we begin to have somatic complaints it is our bodies way of saying “Hi we need a shift!” 

What Is the Difference Between Excellence and Perfectionism?

Wanting to do your best isn't the same as needing to be perfect. Excellence is about growing from the mistakes and perfectionism is dwelling on the mistakes and fear driven. 

Excellence: You set high standards, put in effort, learn from mistakes, and can still feel proud of yourself when things don't go exactly as planned. Understanding that it is about the process not the product. 

Perfectionism is often about fear. You may feel like mistakes aren't acceptable, your work is never good enough, or your worth depends on getting things right. You never feel comfortable or complete unless everything is “just right.” 

Are High Standards the Problem?

Having high standards isn't a flaw. In fact, high standards can help you grow, stay motivated, and accomplish meaningful goals. High standards when seen as a strength can actually help you feel more confident, joyful, and free. 

Most perfectionists don't want to become less driven—they want to stop feeling exhausted. You feel guilty for relaxing and feel tense and constant restlessness. Perfectionism isn't the enemy. It's a powerful set of strengths that can become trapped in fear. When you learn to shift from fear-driven perfectionism to purpose-driven excellence, those same qualities become your greatest assets.

Learn what research says about journaling for anxiety and perfectionism, why it helps high-achieving teens and young adults, and how to avoid turning it into another thing to perfect.