Why Perfectionists Have Trouble Relaxing?

Why is it so hard to relax when you finally have nothing to do? For perfectionists, rest can feel uncomfortable. You may sit down and immediately think about everything you should be doing. Instead of feeling refreshed, you feel guilty for taking a break.

This isn't because you don't know how to relax. You may have learned that being productive equals being successful, responsible, or worthy. You are constantly raising your bar of expectation and goals of completing your to do list. 

Perfectionism can keep you in a cycle:

Do more → accomplish more → feel temporary relief → raise the bar → repeat.

Over time, your nervous system can become accustomed to being "on." You may constantly scan for the next task or problem, even when you're physically resting. Ask yourself the if you ever experience the following: 

• Feeling guilty when you're not productive

• Feeling anxious when you have free time

• Struggling to sit still or do nothing

• Thinking about your next task while trying to relax

• Feeling exhausted but unable to slow down

Rest isn't something you have to earn. Rest should be a part of your daily routine. 

Learning to relax may mean noticing what happens in your body when you slow down, challenging the belief that you always need to be productive, and practicing being present without accomplishing anything. Reminding yourself that you are worthy and enough. 

As a Board Certified Dance/Movement Therapist, I help teens and adults explore how perfectionism shows up in the mind and body and develop a healthier relationship with achievement, productivity, and rest.

Because your perfectionism was never the problem. Learning how to harness it is where transformation begins.

Looking for a therapist who specializes in perfectionism, anxiety, and mind-body therapy? I work with teens and adults throughout New York, offering both in-person sessions on Long Island and virtual therapy statewide.

Book your free 15-minute consultation to learn how therapy can help you transform perfectionism into your greatest strength.